Here’s an interesting truth: it is very difficult to grow beyond the level of the compliments you are willing to accept.
If you bashfully disagree or feel uncomfortable when someone tells you you are smart, or kind, or competent at something- what is happening internally is that you are telling yourself that this is beyond the limits of what is possible for you. You have created your self-worth ceiling, and you have built it much, much too low.
Most of us can accept at least small compliments, but might feel uncomfortable accepting larger ones (assuming a compliment is genuine and from somebody with a good vibe). I love giving compliments, but I know I have to temper them based on who I am talking to. Some friends can only accept very small compliments before becoming uncomfortable and disagreeing. Their self-worth has a definable limit.
Other friends are able to accept and integrate huge compliments. I love when people can accept a good compliment proudly. Yeah, you know you’re great, don’t you? If it’s true, I’ll tell you you’re a genius, I love you unconditionally, you are extremely powerful, your energy is inspiring, you are a god. It takes a lot of courage to accept that last compliment. But when you can accept a huge compliment, and allow yourself to think that maybe it is true, you expand your self-worth and actually allow yourself to become something you did not previously believe you could be.
So are you one of those folks who shies away from compliments? Do you find it hard to accept that you’re actually pretty great? Or do you, like me, bask in compliments and accept them easily because, well hell, they’re true, aren’t they? Wherever you are on the spectrum, keeping a Compliment File on your phone is an excellent way to help pick up your confidence when you’re feeling low.
Open up a blank text file now and list every compliment you’ve ever gotten in your life that you still remember as being meaningful.
I’m going to share a few of my favorites (although it’s very hard to narrow it down) so you can see that anything goes- if it was special and made you feel good, write it down.
- You have great eyebrows!
- I’ve never seen anything so aligned!
- You are a force.
- You’re a great community builder.
- Your dancing is amazing to watch.
- You make me feel grounded.
- That (outfit) is so you!
- You’re so calm.
- I believe you can do anything.
Do those seem like great compliments? They are, but I know you’ve gotten great compliments, too. If you can’t think of any, it’s likely because compliments make you uncomfortable and you brush them off, and that you haven’t received any.
Here’s a little cheat: thank-you’s are compliments, too. Big ones. When somebody thanks you for something, they are expressing that something about you made them feel good. Write down thank you’s, too, and what they were for.
While we’re at it, write down every time you’ve made someone laugh. Laughter is an incredibly powerful compliment. I know you’ve made somebody laugh, and that it made you feel good.
In case you’re stuck, I’m going to give you a little head start:
I am proud of you for doing this exercise to grow in self love, even if it feels uncomfortable. That’s truly amazing. Now write that down! It counts!
Make your list long. No, longer! Even longer! Write down all of the compliments you can think of. Good. Save that, and add to it every time you get a new compliment that you like. These are reflections of some beautiful parts of yourself. Accept the truth in them. Be open to receiving more compliments.
If you have a negative inner voice, go over your compliments frequently and try to adopt them as your new inner voice. Try to speak to yourself with the gratitude and enthusiasm that others share with you. Throw out that garbage you tell yourself about not being good enough and replace it with this. Loving words are the truth.
Please comment with some great compliments you’ve been given!
